Poor communication between separated parents is bad for their children and for themselves. In the first of a series of How to Keep Your Cool! animations, Shared Parenting Scotland applies BIFF principles to a stand-off between mother (Sacha) and father (Reece) about whether their daughter (Ava) should go to a birthday party during her weekend contact time with him.
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.
You can see the 5 minute animation on Youtube below:
In nearly 15 years of helpline enquiries and group meetings across Scotland, Shared Parenting Scotland has worked on ways of encouraging separated parents to lower the temperature of their communication and to be more mindful of how relentless conflict adversely affects their children’s wellbeing.
It isn’t always easy, when an angry phone call or text from one parent to the other triggers old emotions and an equally angry response. The animation says, “If you get an angry e mail or text, STOP. THINK. You don’t have to reply in the same way.”.
It isn’t always easy, but de-escalating responses can be learned by both parents. Children need the best of their parents, not the worst. They don’t want to be trapped by their parents’ repeat cycle of hurt and lashing out at each other over arrangements.
Shared Parenting Scotland also offers a coaching programme for separated parents called, New Ways For Families to develop their communication skills and take responsibility for managing their emotions, for the benefit of their children but also for themselves.