Chief Executive of Shared Parenting Scotland responds to BBC news story on parental alienation

 

At Shared Parenting Scotland, we work every day with parents who are struggling to maintain meaningful relationships with their children after separation. The recent BBC report from Ipswich highlights just how damaging long-running court battles can be – not only for parents, but most of all for children.

The children suffer

The tragic story reported from Ipswich is a reminder of how family conflict, prolonged through years of court battles, consumes childhoods. What isn’t reported is how many judges, how many hearings, and how many tens – or even hundreds – of thousands of pounds have been spent in litigation.

The judge was right to say that the proceedings had placed the children “under interminable pressure” and to finally call a halt.

Inside the court, the adversarial system itself can make things worse. Parents are pushed into undermining each other’s character and competence, often for years on end. This process fuels ‘alienation’ – when one or both parents draw their children into their dispute, feeding them a daily drip of bitterness towards the other parent.

Outside the court, the debate about alienation has become polarised and politicised. That keeps attention on definitions rather than on behaviour. It lets parents avoid responsibility for the harm done when they speak badly about each other in front of their children.

In Scotland, the long-awaited overhaul of the Child Welfare Reporter system will include training on parental alienation, alongside a broader focus on children’s rights and welfare. That’s a welcome step forward.

But we all have a role right now.

We all know someone who speaks negatively about their ex-partner in front of their children. We can ask: “Is that really what’s best for your kids?”.

We can encourage parents to focus less on “winning” and more on parenting. Because when the fighting stops, children can breathe again.

At Shared Parenting Scotland, we help separated parents find practical, child-focused solutions outside the courtroom. Our helpline, groups, and training programmes support parents to manage conflict, improve communication, and put their children’s wellbeing first.

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